How to end your relationship with your therapist
Many of us know how to begin therapy, but when should you end the relationship? Find out when to move on, how to communicate your decision, and what to expect during your final session.
Signs it’s time to end therapy:
You met your goals/intentions for therapy and don’t have anything more to work on
Your sessions feel repetitive; just offering updates and a general check-in each time. (This might indicate a need to meet less frequently instead of discontinuing therapy altogether. More on this below.)
Your therapist’s style or approach does not feel supportive or helpful
You want to work on something your therapist isn’t knowledgeable about
You want to try a therapy method your therapist has not been trained in
Red Flag: You don’t feel understood by your therapist; they tell you how you should feel or minimize how you feel
Red Flag: Your therapist makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, continues to misgender you, or makes comments or suggestions that are racist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, etc.
What if I want to continue seeing my therapist but not as frequently as we do now?
If your therapy sessions are becoming repetitive or if you're struggling to find more things to talk about or process, changing the frequency of your sessions may be helpful. You have several options when it comes to how often you go to therapy. You can adjust the frequency of your sessions from weekly to every two weeks, then monthly or quarterly.
Transitioning from weekly or biweekly sessions to monthly or quarterly is often a step clients take when entering the maintenance phase of therapy. In the maintenance phase, you’re likely feeling consistently grounded and resourced but still want to check in with your therapist occasionally. Not all therapists offer monthly or quarterly scheduling options, so this would be important to ask your therapist about.
How can I tell my therapist I want to end therapy?
Discuss it in your next session. This option is great for people who have a supportive relationship with their therapist and would benefit from processing the end of the relationship.
The option of sending an email could be helpful if you do not feel comfortable initiating the conversation during the session or if you don’t feel it would be helpful to have the conversation in person.
Call them or text (if texting is a mode of communication you use with your therapist)
Sharing why you’re ending therapy is completely up to you.
Your therapist will most likely have questions about your decision to end therapy, and talking through your decision can bring completeness and closure to the therapeutic relationship.
While it might be awkward to end the relationship, sometimes it’s necessary if you're not connecting or are not a good match for one another. You are not required to explain why you’re ending therapy, particularly if the therapist has caused harm to you. However, you may be responsible for no-show fees if you end therapy without canceling your sessions.
What generally happens in the final session?
Every therapist is different when it comes to endings. You may hear them use the term “termination” to describe the end of your work together. This is therapy jargon that means you two are ending your therapeutic relationship and will no longer be working together. Your final session may include the following:
Talking about how you’re feeling about ending therapy
Celebrating and discussing your progress/growth
Reviewing tools/skills/practices
Co-creating a care plan
Discussing how to contact the therapist if you want to restart services
There are many reasons why we might consider ending therapy or ending our relationship with our therapist. Take the time you need to process your feelings. When you're interested in returning, my resources page lists websites where you can find an inclusive provider to work with.